Tuesday, November 22, 2011

good morning, good morning, good morning

Well hello there happy humans~
Today I am making a list of things I want.

I want a,
button/badge maker
spiral binding machine
silverware
queen size sheets
full size sheets
twin size sheets
pants/jeans
sweaters
ink for my printer
and for now I think thats it.
how about you my dear, what do you want on this fine morning, please do tell, set your intention for the day and ask for the things you want, remember to believe you deserve these things and they will show up right before your eyes!!!
Happy manifesting!!!

until next time happy humans,
tootles,
xoxo
love
M

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

finally i got it...............

now you can enter your email to get a new blog post every time i update my blog, woooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooo!!!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

how cool is this..........

bullshit

this is total total total total total total total total total total total total BULLSHIT! what the freaken ravioli is going on?????????????????????????? its like my mind says whoa baby, ain't gonna cooperate with you today honey! okay, i get it, sometimes you need a break but c'mon, this is the 4th time this week you are doing this, what are you doing this for, you know there is stuff that needs to come out, so what do you want me to do, dishes, vacuum, dust, laundry, cook, walk, drink, sleep, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, HELLO, i wanna write dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, November 11, 2011

and do remember this

its an epic day my friends, did you set your intention on this magical happy day?
my intention is this.......................
i am ready to receive my glorious gifts of abundance and prosperity, much happiness, good health and good fortune, clarity and wisdom.

its your turn darling.......................

xoxo
M

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............................................

i wonder......................... what is it?

i found this super website, you must check it out

here it is I mean really, its faboo, Its called "The receiving project" i mean who knew eh? She summed it all up and presented it in this loving wonderful way!!!
If you want to receive glorious gifts from the universe and you are ready to receive, holy shasta, check her out, its FREE, yeah, I know, I could hardly believe it myself, it flippin FREE, go take a look, seriously, I am super excited about doing this and perhaps you too will find that its just what you need and as i always say, if its not what you need, no problemo, its all gooooooooooooood!

It is my intention to receive gifts of kindness from the Universe.
(lookout baby, they are rollin in), hey, who said that, was it you, ohhhhhhhhh, wait, silly me, that was the Universe talking to me, ooooooooooolala, here come the gifts, yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

love ya,
xoxo
M (who got alittle carried way with the links to her site, lol)
My epic wish for 11/11/11 at 11:11 is for abundance & prosperity for me & my family. That we all live to our 90's & good health, much wealth & wisdom.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

as i reach for the golden rod.....

my inuition never lets me down, is always there to guide me, to provide me with answers I need and then every once in awhile it tells me to do something and whammo bammo, I haven't a clue as to why, just this nudge,and if I don't do what it asks, i get a push, and if I still do not do what I am asked to do by my lovely inner goddess venus, she flippin shoves me, a freaken full on total shove and says, hey woman, yep, I am talkin to you, lets get a move on, life is a waiting and its ain't gonna wait forever, ya gotta grab it while the grabbin is good and just do this that i ask, soooooooooooooooooooo i must, ya see if i don't, who knows, she might conk me on the head or make me take a cold shower to wake me up, i don't know, but i do know this, i don't wanna find out what she would do if i don't take the nudge then the push and now the shove seriously.

honestly i have no idea where this is going, why i was supposed to write as i reach for the golden rod, no clue, nada, zippo, nothin, but here goes it......................

as i reach for the golden rod, my heart open, my soul ready, my mind accepting and my body willing, I am ready to receive that which you offer me.....

wow, my inner goddess is good, that sounds really profound, guess she know what she is talkin about, alright, i was just told not to interrupt her, she needs to finish this......

i ask you milady to hold out your hand, to give to thee your time, your energy and your love.
i ask you to give of yourself that which you may know nothing of.
do you want this sweet darling, do you want to be given the gift?
are you aware that i may ask you to trust in me like never before, that i may ask you to do things that you may fear?
share with others your stories of hope, sadness and more.
will you do this without question, without judgement and without knowing how this will happen?

i take your hand and offer you my heart and soul, surrender to you my wisdom and blanket you with kindness.
i ask that you follow me, walk with me, laugh with me and cry with me, i ask that you do this so you can see without your eyes, but to see with your heart and fill your being with true love..............
(i meaning me not my inner goddess don't even know if that makes any sense but i am told its not up to me to make sense of it, just do it, well, whatever, it makes my life easier if she is doing the writing anyway, less i gotta think about, so more time for playin, at least for today, some days I like to do the writing but hey, sharing is a good thing)

i guess miss goddess venus is done, personally i am drawing a blank which means thats it, i'm yawning sooooooooo until she wants to speak again my dear, i gotta go find somehting else to do, toooooooooooooooooooot a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
xoxo
M

I am woman, hear me raw............................

I know, you thought it would say I am woman, hear me roar, nopers, its raw.
Why, because my writing is from my womanly perspective and its raw, straight from my core, no holds barred. No cleaning it up, no sugar coating it, its my words how they run through my mind and flow onto paper.

The only way I feel free is to let it out, how I feel, what I see, how it affects me, how it changes me, makes me grow, learning from it, all the juicy good stuff that makes me who I am. If you like it, good, if you don't, thats good too, we don't all want to agree, that would be quite boring.

Most of all, my writing helps me, and my hope is that it helps you too, whatever it is you need from it, whether it be to read it and find your own path or the meaning of something, etc.... but maybe it will help you by saying, no way, I am outta here, where is the delete key, its all good because if you need it or don't need it then my mission is complete, it helped you in some way.
Whether you sit back and enjoy this blog or run for the hills to find something else, its all good darling!

So what do we talk about now, whats on my mind?

One thing that is on my mind today is....................
Whats on your mind honey?
What are doing today?
What makes you tick?
What makes you come alive and light your fire?

Oh please do tell, share with me your hopes and dreams, your goals and desires, tell me so I can enjoy your words, thoughts, prayers etc.......... I want to read all about your beautiful gorgeous life, your succulent stories of excitement and joy, oh the suspense my dear is killing me, please do tell.................................

While I am waiting for you to spill your sexy words onto my virtual paper, I will continue writing for me.................

and there she sat, across the room, waiting, wanting, imagining what may happen when she sees it, when she feels it, when she tastes it as it brushes across her lips, when it pulses through her body, when her bones are rich with desire for the very essence of his soul...... (wow, that seems a bit racy, lol)
(oh well, I am going with it)

she wants him, she wants him like no other, to taste him, to feel his body against hers and to know that he wants her too, it is what she ached for, the longing for him to hold and caress her is over.

he is next to her, her flesh against his, their heart's beating as one, the scent of their essence as it fills the air and transforms the moment into heated passion.

the sweat that drips from their naked bodies, their mouths open wanting to kiss.
but the kissing stops, something happens as the moments pass and everything is heightened, the sensitivity becomes so intense and she wants it, she hungers for it like never before, its euphoric, the bliss that enters her mind as she imagines what she may do next.......
and then it happens, she grabs his head, slowly turns to expose his neck and without another thought, she bites, his body in a frenzy as he moans and gives her that which she ached for, that which she craved for so long, she drinks, it pulsates and throbs as it fills her soul, she feasts upon his being as it satisfies her hunger, he claws her back, she pulls her head back to let out a groan, a groan so deep from within its as if she felt ecstasy flow through her veins.

so, thats what was just running through my mind, and that my friend is how a vampire does it, just like that!

so sometimes I write about things I experience, other times I write what others may call fiction, but is it, is it fiction, perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't, maybe just maybe in my past life I was a vampire, or maybe I just like to think so or maybe, just maybe its my imagination and all in my head. I may never know whether the above story is true or not.................................

i found it......................

I found the reason for all this ick and muck!!!!!!!!! Pain, pain is what makes it possible for me to write, to take my pain or the pain I see in others and transform into my words, words that I can spill out onto the pages of my journals, the stories I write, the words that seem to fly out of my head and onto the computer screen. Pain is a necessary part of life, we can choose happiness, but pain, it happens whether we want it too or not. Doesn't mean we can find ways of dealing with it so we feel better, it just means it happens, people get sick, hurt, die, leave and what we do with that pain is up to us. For me, writing about it helps, telling others how I feel about it, or just putting it down and feeling those feelings while getting it out of my head. I am just not able to store all that up and walk about trying to get on with my days, it won't happen, for me it needs to come out.

This is not to say that I don't write about happy moments, I do, all the time, but the pain I have felt or experienced in some way allows me to transform my words into something richer, deeper and with passion. Out of this I have the desire to help others find their calling, share with them that they too have a light that burns brightly within themselves and they too have the right to claim it, stand tall, be yourself, allow yourself permission to be free from whatever is holding you back.

We all do our best, regardless of what it may look like to you, to me and anyone else that may cast judgement, if we thought it was wrong, we would do something else, which leads me to justification...................

Justification, is it really better than sex?
Well, my answer to that is...............................

Think about it, you do something you know is wrong, you know it isn't beneficial to you, to your family, friends etc.... but you do it anyway, you find a way to make yourself feel ok with that choice, you justify it, like it's going to change it or something, as if its going to change in your mind that it actually is ok, it isn't, you are not fooling yourself or anyone else.
It's an excuse you declare to say, "Hey, I am doing this knowing I shouldn't be but its all good, I have the right because I deserve XYZ" Bullshit, its total bullshit, you do not have any special rights to go against your own belief system, seriously, you are trying with all your power to convince yourself of a bullshit story, it ain't happening baby, it ain't, you won't believe it now, you won't believe it later.

It seeps into your core, lays its poison and harbors there, as the minutes, hours and days of your life go by, the poison grows, the hole it creates in you becomes a bigger more toxic mass than you know and it will not stop, it will not stop growing until you take responsibility and say........
WHOA, thats enough, I can not, I will not stand for this any longer, I am who I am, I have the power to be me and the very best me I can be, I will be free of my own judgements, I am setting myself free of the lies I have told myself in order to think I am getting through this or past this.
Enough already, I did it, it happened, its done, I am healing and I am free!!!

Lets look for those lovely little examples. Someone says something to me that I believe is offensive so I begin to tell myself this story....
Who are they to tell me I am an ass, I mean really, who the hell do they think they are, they don't know me, they  haven't lived my life, ya know what, fuck them, they can kiss my ass.

Alright, story in my head is complete, so I say to this person who I believe wronged me and say,
"Screw you, you can go pound sand and if you ever talk to me like that again, you will be sorry"
Wow, talk about angry right?
I go on about my day and yet this lingers inside, it festers while I think about what this person said to me, all day, it consumes me about how I am NOT what they said I was.
Well, whatever someone calls you, tells you who or what they think you are, there ain't no proving them wrong honey, they formed their belief and they will tell you that you are whatever they think you are, they will try to prove to you that you are an ass, idiot, piss ant etc... and YOU will fight them on this, trying with all your might to prove them wrong, and guess what, while fighting them all you are doing is validating to them just how much of an ass you really are.

Now, where did that get you, absolutely nowhere,  not anywhere forward anyway, a bit back it gets you because you now react and respond to people from a place of anger, hurt and sadness.

Perhaps the person that confronted you just came from a place where they were abused, afraid to tell someone that their home is an unsafe place to be and they do not know how to escape the abuse? Would you then respond in the same manner, most of us I believe would say no. Most of us would then feel bad for that person and want to help.
So why is it if we do not know the person's circumstance that we can justify reacting and responding negatively, that is just plain ole shitty!

Let's try this too, what if we do know, we do know that this person lives in an abusive home.
We then choose, "well ya know what, thats just too bad, its their own fault if they stay there, just because someone treats them badly doesn't mean they have the right to treat others badly?"

Wow, do you see this, we are thinking no matter what  that person endured it does not give them the right to rain on our parade, ok, lets say thats true BUT then what gives us the right, what gives us the right to turn around (after being angry with this person) and saying, "screw you" did we not just rain on their parade, ummmmm, I think we did honey, we did.
So even though we tell ourselves that they do no not have a right to shit on us, we go right back and shit on them, we just became the very thing we complained about, holy cow eh?

If we want better, we must do better, if we want to feel good, we must feel good, if we want others to be kind to us, we must be kind to them, if we want to be loved, we must love ourselves first.

Lets try this on for size, what about unhealthy food, ya know how we tell ourselves I am hungry, I don't have time to cook, I deserve it fast food, its cheap etc.....
What are we really saying to our self, that we deserve to eat crappy food at any cost???
We actually take the time to give ourselves a reason as to why we should treat our bodies as though they are disposable, as if we have an extra body laying around and can just put that one on when we destroy the one we are in???
NO! We deserve to give our bodies the proper fuel, the proper nutrition so that it can work in harmony with our mind, that is what our body deserves, to be loved and treated with kindness.

How about these, wasting money on things we do not need or we just wanted in that moment, what happens then when we run short for our bills, our kids school clothes, medicines to fix the bodies that we fed unhealthy food too?
 We justify that too, we worked hard, we deserve it, we made extra money, talk about a bullshit lie, extra money, who the fuck has extra money, I don't care how much money you make, how much money is in your bank account, NO ONE absolutely NO ONE has any extra money lieing around, we use it all up.
Our extra money just gave us a reason to spend it on something we did not need and now we have more junk and less money.

What about booze, how we tell ourselves we deserve that booze because we worked long and hard, many hours, now we are tired and just need to relax, go relax, you need 6 damn beers, 4 glasses of wine, NOPE, you just THINK you do. What your body is telling you is....
"honey, we worked hard today, lets go home, sit on the couch, reflect on our day and be thankful we are here one more day to live our truth" at least that is what I BELIEVE our bodies are saying.,
It does not NOW or EVER tell us to go home, drink, eat and smoke and ingest poison so we can feel like shit later, kill ourselves slowly and wake up feeling ungrateful and angry.

What about this, BLAME, oh this has to be the very best one, I mean really, we blame everything on everyone else, talk about fucked up???
It's your fault I am broke, its your fault I am fat, its your fault I don't have a good job, its your fault my life sucks, blah blah blah.
Its not anyone's fault, you are in this position because of YOUR choices, every single one of your choices put you here.
Sure, you may be in a toxic relationship, ready to file bankruptcy, overweight, but YOU made the choices to continue on that path, I mean unless someone was holding you hostage, held you down and made you eat, drink, spend your money or stay where you are, its your choice.
Its not to say I don't have compassion for those that are in a place where they are not happy, I do, oh my goodness I do. I say this because I WANT YOU to know that YOU can make a conscious choice to GET OUT of this unhappy, unhealthy feeling that keeps you down. YOU can change all this, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!!! You deserve just as much as the next guy/gal, you deserve it all too honey!!!

You can claim it, right now, you can take back your power and find peace within yourself, no matter what your circumstance, no matter what your life experience, no matter what you did, said, ate, drank, smoked or believed. You can have it all baby, all of it is here for you, for you, and you, and you and you and you. The world is full and plenty, abundance, prosperity, good fortune, love, happiness, its here now and its ready for you to call it your own.
No reason to be angry or sad about your choices that got you here, its what makes you beautiful, forgive yourself, forgive others, set yourself free and set those free that you have held judgements against, it really is okay to let it go and find your passion, live your life to the fullest and live life knowing that you are a MIRACLE!

We justify everything, whether we think its good, bad whatever. Just like this post, (which makes me drive in circles, not the post but the whole justification thing lol)
You can tell me I am right or wrong, it doesn't matter, I will tell you why I think I am right, why I know it is this way. It don't matter honey, I'll justify it so that it sits and feels right in my mind.
Just as you will justify why you agree or disagree with me, and its what makes us human, justification is part of our DNA. My thought is this, I want to feel good within my very core, deep within my soul, in every cell of my being therefor I will use justification for good, to tell myself why I believe I am worthy, why I believe I am the key to my success, why I know that we all matter, that we all deserve love and kindness, why I know that a few kind words can make someone's day a little brighter and how I know that a few unkind words can hurt someone deeply and spread negativity like wildfire.

So in then end my dear, justification, is it really better than sex?        ...................... you decide

jus·ti·fy


1.  to show (an act, claim, statement, etc.) to be just or right:

a. to show a satisfactory reason or excuse for something done.

xoxo
M

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

day 2 of swearing and not knowing what to write

DAMMIT, thats it, that is what comes to mind, Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm Venus honey, where are you, you are supposed to be helping me write ya know?

What the hexagon is going on? I don't know what to say, I am hearing nothing and I know, dammit, I know there is things I need to get out of my head.

Its like I got this: little boy walks in the woods, trips and falls in a hole, yells for mama, she comes and saves him, yahooooo, everything works out fantastic.
Okay, next story, little girl makes a mud pie, bakes it in the sun, turns out its not as tasty as she thought, no big deal, she finds something else to do.

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! where the hell are the words???????????????

Well, screw you and fuck off fucken piss ants, thats about how I feel right now, I wanna write but I am not getting anything that seems to be making any sense, well unless this jibber jabber makes sense, who knows, maybe it does.

I gotta find some inspiration to spark something here, its driving me batty.............................

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

it seems the cursing does not want to stop

fuckers, fuckers, fuckers, bwah hahahahahaha
I am feelin a bit out of whack still, its been going on since this morning, eeeeeeeeeeeee gads, fooey and cowabunga, its all good, I know this, but for some reason, inner guide, says, fuckers like a thousand times today. yeah, shit and damn, and prick also come to mind, so thats it folks, I am naming my inner guide, hmmmmmmmmm, what shall her name be: Venus, its what my mother was going to name me so hey, it fits.
So from now on, most of what I write, well it will be the words and wisdom from Venus!!!


Yay, now I gotta get me a cup of joe, later baby.
xoxo
M

you are being warned, post may contain profanity and plain 'ole ickiness....

Hot Damn, its one of those days where I am feeling like I need to get it out, get the lead out, ya know. HOLY SHIT. I don't know where it comes from sometimes but its there and the only thing I can do is get it out, out of my head and onto paper, well, cyber space paper.
I must, I must, I must, I must, dammit, I must write it, I need it out and I need it out now.
I don't like feeling angry, guilt or shame in anyway, it drags me down and I don't have time in my life for feelings that keep me stuck and the only way I know how to deal with them is by writing.
If you are offend then I ask you to please exit this page now. I have some built up emotions that seem to require swearing so if you choose to stick around, know this, it will be full of words that you may not want to read.

Ok guys and gals, here it goes.

Fuckity, fuckity fuckity, (ahhhhhhh, I am feeling a weeeeeeeee bit better) Shit, fiddlesticks, donkey's balls and fucken fuckers.
Why is this in here, why do I have to write this, why I ask, why, dammit Maryann, stop asking and doooooooooooooooooo, you have to get out the muck in there in order to see the beauty, don't stop this until you can feel happy, glad, wonderful and thrilled, ya got it!!
Yeah, yeah yeah, I got it, did  you ever think that maybe, just maybe if you spoke a little nicer, you could get more things accomplished with your life?
Ya know, like asking yourself in kind ways, asking yourself to be gentle, why all the yelling, why all the insisting and sarcastic tones?
Well, its what your used to and well frankly, if YOU, Maryann want it differently, change it, thats right, change your inner voice and the words will come out nicer.

What do you want, do you want this or not? How bad Maryann, how bad do you want to live the life of your dreams, so bad that you know in your being that it will serve you and allow you to live your truth, SO bad that your heart pulls and tugs at every ounce of your dreams?
Do you want it so bad that nothing, I mean nothing will stand in your way?

You have to answer these questions Maryann, you have to put the pen to the paper when asking these questions and you must gal, you must write those answers, truthfully, do not hold back, DO NOT HOLD BACK, give yourself permission, its all good, you know that, you know that this is the way it is supposed to be, do what you KNOW Maryann, do what you know will get you closer to living your dream life.
You are half way there, you already know what to do, if you want it, if you want it so much that you can taste it, that you can feel it in your bones, the cells in your body light up when you think about your dream life, your heart fills with gladness when you dream about your way of life that makes you come alive, when your blood pumps through your body, mind and soul, so pure and fresh that you KNOW this is it, this is exactly what you want.

When you can do this, feel it, really feel it, enjoy those feelings now, NOW, this way, when your haven arrives, you will know without a doubt thats this is it gal, this is your haven, the place you shall call home!!!

So sometimes its just that simple, write about your feelings even if they are angry, sad or whatever they are, there is no reason to harbor these inside.  I just don't always know why I have these feelings but my intuition says write about it, its not for me to judge, to criticize or anything, it just is and you need to write it so you can take back your power.
Thats what I hear, so most days all is super duper, and sometimes, its just okie dokie, on those days my writing is a bit different than on the days I am feeling faboo, its life, I gotta listen to my inner guide.

It just has to be this way, and no way, no how could I dream this up on my own, lol if it were up to me, than I might not put this info out there for the world to see, I might not want to give others the opportunity to read it, make comments on it, judge it etc.... but its not, my inner guide says it doesn't really matter what others think, if they like it great, if they don't, thats great too.
Its what makes the world go round gal, so no worries, it is what it is.

Oh beautiful haven , come out come out wherever you are. I am ready to receive...........................


until next time my happy humans,
tottles,
xoxo
M

Sunday, November 6, 2011

And with that i say..... Bloom where you are planted. xoxo
Out of the muck grow a beautiful lotus....
I was wondering why I might be feeling a little funky. I figured it out, its all good! <3 xoxo M

Wednesday, November 2, 2011