Thursday, November 10, 2011

i found it......................

I found the reason for all this ick and muck!!!!!!!!! Pain, pain is what makes it possible for me to write, to take my pain or the pain I see in others and transform into my words, words that I can spill out onto the pages of my journals, the stories I write, the words that seem to fly out of my head and onto the computer screen. Pain is a necessary part of life, we can choose happiness, but pain, it happens whether we want it too or not. Doesn't mean we can find ways of dealing with it so we feel better, it just means it happens, people get sick, hurt, die, leave and what we do with that pain is up to us. For me, writing about it helps, telling others how I feel about it, or just putting it down and feeling those feelings while getting it out of my head. I am just not able to store all that up and walk about trying to get on with my days, it won't happen, for me it needs to come out.

This is not to say that I don't write about happy moments, I do, all the time, but the pain I have felt or experienced in some way allows me to transform my words into something richer, deeper and with passion. Out of this I have the desire to help others find their calling, share with them that they too have a light that burns brightly within themselves and they too have the right to claim it, stand tall, be yourself, allow yourself permission to be free from whatever is holding you back.

We all do our best, regardless of what it may look like to you, to me and anyone else that may cast judgement, if we thought it was wrong, we would do something else, which leads me to justification...................

Justification, is it really better than sex?
Well, my answer to that is...............................

Think about it, you do something you know is wrong, you know it isn't beneficial to you, to your family, friends etc.... but you do it anyway, you find a way to make yourself feel ok with that choice, you justify it, like it's going to change it or something, as if its going to change in your mind that it actually is ok, it isn't, you are not fooling yourself or anyone else.
It's an excuse you declare to say, "Hey, I am doing this knowing I shouldn't be but its all good, I have the right because I deserve XYZ" Bullshit, its total bullshit, you do not have any special rights to go against your own belief system, seriously, you are trying with all your power to convince yourself of a bullshit story, it ain't happening baby, it ain't, you won't believe it now, you won't believe it later.

It seeps into your core, lays its poison and harbors there, as the minutes, hours and days of your life go by, the poison grows, the hole it creates in you becomes a bigger more toxic mass than you know and it will not stop, it will not stop growing until you take responsibility and say........
WHOA, thats enough, I can not, I will not stand for this any longer, I am who I am, I have the power to be me and the very best me I can be, I will be free of my own judgements, I am setting myself free of the lies I have told myself in order to think I am getting through this or past this.
Enough already, I did it, it happened, its done, I am healing and I am free!!!

Lets look for those lovely little examples. Someone says something to me that I believe is offensive so I begin to tell myself this story....
Who are they to tell me I am an ass, I mean really, who the hell do they think they are, they don't know me, they  haven't lived my life, ya know what, fuck them, they can kiss my ass.

Alright, story in my head is complete, so I say to this person who I believe wronged me and say,
"Screw you, you can go pound sand and if you ever talk to me like that again, you will be sorry"
Wow, talk about angry right?
I go on about my day and yet this lingers inside, it festers while I think about what this person said to me, all day, it consumes me about how I am NOT what they said I was.
Well, whatever someone calls you, tells you who or what they think you are, there ain't no proving them wrong honey, they formed their belief and they will tell you that you are whatever they think you are, they will try to prove to you that you are an ass, idiot, piss ant etc... and YOU will fight them on this, trying with all your might to prove them wrong, and guess what, while fighting them all you are doing is validating to them just how much of an ass you really are.

Now, where did that get you, absolutely nowhere,  not anywhere forward anyway, a bit back it gets you because you now react and respond to people from a place of anger, hurt and sadness.

Perhaps the person that confronted you just came from a place where they were abused, afraid to tell someone that their home is an unsafe place to be and they do not know how to escape the abuse? Would you then respond in the same manner, most of us I believe would say no. Most of us would then feel bad for that person and want to help.
So why is it if we do not know the person's circumstance that we can justify reacting and responding negatively, that is just plain ole shitty!

Let's try this too, what if we do know, we do know that this person lives in an abusive home.
We then choose, "well ya know what, thats just too bad, its their own fault if they stay there, just because someone treats them badly doesn't mean they have the right to treat others badly?"

Wow, do you see this, we are thinking no matter what  that person endured it does not give them the right to rain on our parade, ok, lets say thats true BUT then what gives us the right, what gives us the right to turn around (after being angry with this person) and saying, "screw you" did we not just rain on their parade, ummmmm, I think we did honey, we did.
So even though we tell ourselves that they do no not have a right to shit on us, we go right back and shit on them, we just became the very thing we complained about, holy cow eh?

If we want better, we must do better, if we want to feel good, we must feel good, if we want others to be kind to us, we must be kind to them, if we want to be loved, we must love ourselves first.

Lets try this on for size, what about unhealthy food, ya know how we tell ourselves I am hungry, I don't have time to cook, I deserve it fast food, its cheap etc.....
What are we really saying to our self, that we deserve to eat crappy food at any cost???
We actually take the time to give ourselves a reason as to why we should treat our bodies as though they are disposable, as if we have an extra body laying around and can just put that one on when we destroy the one we are in???
NO! We deserve to give our bodies the proper fuel, the proper nutrition so that it can work in harmony with our mind, that is what our body deserves, to be loved and treated with kindness.

How about these, wasting money on things we do not need or we just wanted in that moment, what happens then when we run short for our bills, our kids school clothes, medicines to fix the bodies that we fed unhealthy food too?
 We justify that too, we worked hard, we deserve it, we made extra money, talk about a bullshit lie, extra money, who the fuck has extra money, I don't care how much money you make, how much money is in your bank account, NO ONE absolutely NO ONE has any extra money lieing around, we use it all up.
Our extra money just gave us a reason to spend it on something we did not need and now we have more junk and less money.

What about booze, how we tell ourselves we deserve that booze because we worked long and hard, many hours, now we are tired and just need to relax, go relax, you need 6 damn beers, 4 glasses of wine, NOPE, you just THINK you do. What your body is telling you is....
"honey, we worked hard today, lets go home, sit on the couch, reflect on our day and be thankful we are here one more day to live our truth" at least that is what I BELIEVE our bodies are saying.,
It does not NOW or EVER tell us to go home, drink, eat and smoke and ingest poison so we can feel like shit later, kill ourselves slowly and wake up feeling ungrateful and angry.

What about this, BLAME, oh this has to be the very best one, I mean really, we blame everything on everyone else, talk about fucked up???
It's your fault I am broke, its your fault I am fat, its your fault I don't have a good job, its your fault my life sucks, blah blah blah.
Its not anyone's fault, you are in this position because of YOUR choices, every single one of your choices put you here.
Sure, you may be in a toxic relationship, ready to file bankruptcy, overweight, but YOU made the choices to continue on that path, I mean unless someone was holding you hostage, held you down and made you eat, drink, spend your money or stay where you are, its your choice.
Its not to say I don't have compassion for those that are in a place where they are not happy, I do, oh my goodness I do. I say this because I WANT YOU to know that YOU can make a conscious choice to GET OUT of this unhappy, unhealthy feeling that keeps you down. YOU can change all this, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!!! You deserve just as much as the next guy/gal, you deserve it all too honey!!!

You can claim it, right now, you can take back your power and find peace within yourself, no matter what your circumstance, no matter what your life experience, no matter what you did, said, ate, drank, smoked or believed. You can have it all baby, all of it is here for you, for you, and you, and you and you and you. The world is full and plenty, abundance, prosperity, good fortune, love, happiness, its here now and its ready for you to call it your own.
No reason to be angry or sad about your choices that got you here, its what makes you beautiful, forgive yourself, forgive others, set yourself free and set those free that you have held judgements against, it really is okay to let it go and find your passion, live your life to the fullest and live life knowing that you are a MIRACLE!

We justify everything, whether we think its good, bad whatever. Just like this post, (which makes me drive in circles, not the post but the whole justification thing lol)
You can tell me I am right or wrong, it doesn't matter, I will tell you why I think I am right, why I know it is this way. It don't matter honey, I'll justify it so that it sits and feels right in my mind.
Just as you will justify why you agree or disagree with me, and its what makes us human, justification is part of our DNA. My thought is this, I want to feel good within my very core, deep within my soul, in every cell of my being therefor I will use justification for good, to tell myself why I believe I am worthy, why I believe I am the key to my success, why I know that we all matter, that we all deserve love and kindness, why I know that a few kind words can make someone's day a little brighter and how I know that a few unkind words can hurt someone deeply and spread negativity like wildfire.

So in then end my dear, justification, is it really better than sex?        ...................... you decide

jus·ti·fy


1.  to show (an act, claim, statement, etc.) to be just or right:

a. to show a satisfactory reason or excuse for something done.

xoxo
M

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